Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
