I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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