High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
