Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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