Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
