I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
