I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
