Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
