I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
