There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it because I queefed?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
