we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
