I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
