I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
