i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
