We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
