Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
