break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
