The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
