Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
