No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
