i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
