i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
