I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
