I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
