i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
