i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
