So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
