I'm drive I can fine osifer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
