Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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