The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
