I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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