I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
