my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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