Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
