had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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