Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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