I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
