Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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