I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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