I'm gonna have a badass scar
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
