you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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