The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
