well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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