question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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