Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
