would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
