U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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