He kissed a someone with a penis
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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