I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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