I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no you cant smoke seaweed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
