I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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